turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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