Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
