There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This can only be settled by a dance off.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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