I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
