here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
