i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
