I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
