Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
