Screwed.edu
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
