Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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