Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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