Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
