so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
