Ketchup is God's man juice
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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