just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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