Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
