Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
