Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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