how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
