Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
