My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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