He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
