I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
