You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
