it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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