I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
