I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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