we have officially lost it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
