so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
