exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
