Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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