We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
