It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
