I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
