You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
