apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
