This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
