i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
