No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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