i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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