Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
