i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
