I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
