Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
