His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
