it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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