so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so let's talk penis.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
