he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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