If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
