you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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