if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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